When I look to the shape of the sky...

I give thanks for this hollow chest of mine.
That I no longer feel, the weight of ordeals.
That can make this life so unkind.

When you tell me that you've read the reviews for Matthew McConaughey's new movie Ghost of Girlfriends Past, I can't help but think "Uhhhh. No one cares. Go have a midlife crisis."
I'm not a horrible child, but when you've put up with everything that everyone in my family has had to put up with from my father, it seems a reasonable thought.
Dear papa,
Maybe you haven't gotten the memo. Or possibly you just refuse to believe that it's okay to get old and that you shouldn't hate the masses cause they're not as smart as you. When you randomly snap, you make no sense. And it just kind of makes everyone wish that they knew you just as everyone OUTSIDE of our family does. When I don't laugh at your jokes, it doesn't mean I hate you, it just means that the good doesn't outweigh your bad.
Right around now, I really hope you don't know shit about my blog.
If you read this. It's time to wake up. I'm ready to leave and when I do, I know you'll be happy.

I took the last of my exit level tests today, I passed all of them, I hope.
Lately, I've been a hate-monger [two word hyphenate? :S]. I've just been in hate with everyone around me. Now, I'm not the cheeriest of the bunch but these past few months, I was rarely unhappy. Whether it be the people at lunch, in the classroom, at church, or even the ones I rarely see, I can barely fight the feeling of hatred that rises in my chest. It could be that I'm tired of feeding other people's energy and needs by wanting to please others or could be that it's easier to be rude than it is to try to do anything but. Maybe I'm just getting old, maybe I just have my daddy's eyes.

On other news, fighting is trashy!
I was never taught proper etiquette when it comes to fighting but this is pretty much it for me:
Fighting is trashy!
Never start a fight but always end it.
If someone came up to me, trying to start a fight, I would NOT hit or even touch the other person. But if the other person was to even come close to hitting me, I WILL break an arm.
Everyone thinks I'm like a happy elf, but I used to be bitter and I learned how to fight then.
And with that, I say, some douche bags are trying to start fights with my friends and some with me. Who does that these days? I DON'T fight but I will do it if needed. Leave us alone assholes, don't underestimate. We are fierce, kind of like Beyonce, except I'm sure my friends are not bootylicious.

I don't care what you say, high school is frustrating.
I'm happy to be getting out next year.

On the flip side, I missed Dr. Seuss' birthday but I'm pretty much obsessed with his books, which inspire me past a point of perception.
One of my favorites is What Was I Scared Of?
The story is of the narrator being scared of a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside and their several spooky encounters. In conclusion, it's great, it's short, it's Dr. Seuss.


For your heart is like a forest, it grows,
and its the rain, but just the sun that lets it bloom,
and you don't know how it feels to be alive,
until you know how it feels to die.

We'll shake up this town

And shoot down the stars for our enjoyment.

Oh baby, I got new pants.

It's come to my attention that I am in need of a slight makeover, in fact, I always have been. Ha! I bought new pants, and a few shirts not to mention a jacket, but more importantly, SHOES! I've bought a pair heels that I fell in love with. My weekends aren't crazy.
While I was at Hastings, I decided to do a rough run through of the movies I want to buy. A rough run through. When I tallied up the movies, including any sequels, it was eighty-five movies in all.
I don't even have a job. I just thought it'd be less, I need to save up, or get a job. Also, I went to watch the Hannah Montana Movie with my mother and Cassandra, and to my surprise, it was pretty good. Which reminds me of how Casandra asked me on Friday where God lived. All I could think to say was "How do you know who God is?" Seeing as how she's never been to church and I'm 90% sure that she doesn't know what a bible is. I ended up walking away which in the end was the smartest thing I could think to do. Eh. She's only eight.
Oh baby, we're only fools.
We need friends that know what we mean when we scream.
But baby, we're only fools.

Don't cry for me, Argentina.

The truth is I never left you.

When I grow up, I want to be just like you. If people were countries, we'd just advance in technologies and in knowledge in trades. Or something of the sort. If people were fonts, you'd just make the font size bigger and bolder. And if people if were Bob Ross' afro, we just wouldn't cut or comb ourselves. But we're human and I'd like to thing that if we grow up, we've grown up because of the little things that help us learn and let us grow as people. Maybe it's the fact that you don't feel you have to finish your bag of chips in one sitting, and that you know that even if you put them away, they'll be waiting for you there later. {hopefully} Maybe it's when you have to take naps during the daytime because you're so tired from doing so much in the mornings. I believe it's when you engage in selfless acts without being selfish. When you give unto others, without expecting compensation. Like a gift with no return. Anyone can grow up, children can grow up even while still being children, though it's rare. I'm no grown up, but I'm precocious. When I grow up, I don't know when it will be or what I will be but the truth is I probably will still be the same person, with most of the same beliefs which means I'll probably feel confused the rest of my life. I'm not a grown up. In fact, I still write on my face and steal your candy.
It would be great to know what your future could be like, but it's not so one-sided.
New Slang. Gold teeth and the curse of this town are both in my mouth. And the truth is, aren't we all happier when we have no mindsets. When we believe our lives are simpler by simply ignoring our duties. Until we break like a boat's hull under the realization that we've never done anything worth telling stories about. And the truth is, it's easier to pretend you'll never grow up, and it's easier to bleed on your own needs and treat your friends like your enemies. or to be rid of your friends. I'd like to sit down and James Lipton everyone I know. Maybe their heart is in the right place, maybe they mean well. Maybe I'm just putting it off, maybe everyone is just vindictive and malicious deep inside and deep inside, I know that's the truth. We're all evil but nobody has the right to be.